2016 The New Year And My Plans

Well like my last post that kinda summed up my last year well this one sums up my plans for this year.

So this year  I have allot of plans of what involve allot of money. To do most if not all of these I will need one  or maybe 2 things. First thing is a roommate. But that is a tricky thing for me because I have been screwed over by more than a few roomies. So it is rather hard for me to trust anyone to let them move in with me. I am trying to convince a few people i know but no such luck yet. The other thing is a promotion at work. While I  feel with how hard I work that i am sure to get the promotion at least of some sort i cant guarantee it  let along when it will come if it dose.  

So anyways start off with something simple. A few years ago I commissioned a piece of art.

My plans are to get this as a tattoo on my back. This wont be a cheap one though i have yet to get a estimate on it yet so I don't know how much it will be yet.

The next bit is another thing dear to me. And I already know will be quite a bit but is very special to me. And that is to adopt a special new  family member. You can see right  below.

 This beautiful wolf hybrid. Just to buy one it will between 600-1500 for a decent pup. But they are my spirit animal and a deream I had one winter equinox made  me officially decide it was the time to start to try to adopt one.  On top of the nice little amount to there will be allt he initial cost of getting a new animal also.  So money wise might be a bit later than i would like.

The next thing is to get a few new lenses  for my camera. While the kit lens I have for my camera is pretty decent it certainly has it's limitations.  I want to get a Telephoto lens that are meant for long distance. While i can bullshit my photos for macro photos like below.

It however is impossible to bullshit long distance photos with a kit lens so getting a telephoto lens ifs the top of my list for getting lenses anyways. The second lens I wish to get is a true macro lens but if i can't manage to get a macro one i think i will be fine with  my kit lens for macro photos. Again though if you haven't seen  all my photos you can see em here.


Anyways the last thing is to get a few art commissions for a few things that have been on my mind for sometime now. But both of which will not be cheap. They both are something i really want to get done bur no idea how or when i will get these done but they will be truly beautiful images.

Well those are some of the bigger things. I also plan to get my bike repaired as well that will run to be a decent amount  seeing as i need to replace  a few parts in it. I also plan on getting some more furniture for my place since I still don't have a dinning room table and chairs. As well as a TV stand, dresser, and other such furniture.

Some of these things  I plan to get i may be able to get for free other things not so  much lmao. Now i know these plans are rather large most likely I will not get them all done. But I sure as hell plan on trying to get as much as i can get done.


Though  do not know what this year will hold for me or what of my plans i will be able to get done. But i feel that this year will be a good one.  I feel good things will finally come to me. I have worked really hard to get to where i am now. For the most part i have survived with  very little help up here other than the initial cost for getting into my new apt and some bills when i was with my former rommie i have survived on my own. So i feel good about things . Where things will go and what I will be able to do this year i do not know. But I for the first time in a long time feel things will go well.

1 Year in Washington. Time has just flown by

For those who don't know January 3 2015 was when i moved up to Washington. It has been one hell of a ride being up here. When i first moved here i moved in with someone i hardly knew. Now don't get me wrong I don't think he is a bad guy but I just felt like the damn  guys mother. I ALWAYS and i mean that literally took out the trash,flushed the toilet after him, did his dishes,  Basically he did nothing. And just got old. So when I finally got a job at Sweeto Burrito I decided to move out. I was lucky enough to get into apartments pretty damn close.

I would actually like to elaborate a little more on my current Job. It has been a great pleasure working there. There have been allot of head aches and allot of drama there. But that being said it still has been one of the best Jobs I have ever had. The relationship there between employees and managers is nothing like i have ever seen before. It is a truly unique place to and a place I do not mind sticking around for a long time. I feel more appreciated  at my job now that i have anywhere else. When i worked for Publix for 2 1/2 years I felt rather used. A handful of full timers and even some part timers thought i should have been given full time and i never was. The manager last time i asked her about promoting me to FT was not able to give a valid reason why. So it was at that point i quit. While it is to early as well as were not ready to give promotions yet I do feel I have a far better chance  of getting promoted. I do not feel like it is a hopeless thing like at publix. I do not know what the future holds for me at Sweeto but i do think it will be good.

As for other things happening up here. Because I am at work most days i hardly ever get out but I have made a few good friends.  Though when i do manage to get out I have fallen in love with the Nature around here. I love riding my bike up and down a rather LARGE and i mean large bike path that goes along the river near me for a large section of it. As well as going through the woods in some area's as well. Not only that but i also love riding my bike over to the next town a few miles away and then going to the Lake on the out side of it. By the rides end it is a pretty long one made longer by a large section being up hill riding. While riding i have also started to get  into more serious photography if you wanted to check out my  page you can see all my photos here. I have always loved photography but have never been able to get a decent Camera for it. Until this year when i finally was able to get one. And as you can see by the page while I do have ALLOT of room for improvement I think I can say I do have a decent amount of tallent. Though as of late I haven't done as much as I would like. Little hard to get around with all the snow and the fact I need to repair my bike. While it is usable I would rather not use it unless I have to till i get it repaired.

Moving up here to Washington I think is one of the best moves i have ever done. It is far better than FL and even better than CA as well.  In CA i just felt it wasnt for me. But in FL I always felt depressed disconnected from the environment.. However here in Washington I feel so in tune with the land. I feel like this is where i am meant to be. While i may at some point move again i do not think it would be that far of a move. I will stay in the same general area. I just love it up here is all i can say. The energy I feel i the land up here is amazing, I do fully intend to explore more of the land up here and just see everything. Coming across a truly magical spot of view is just an amazing thing. You can even check out allot of these spot on the photo page i linked earlier.

Summing everything up I am very happy to have moved up here and i look forward for the first time in a long while for the year ahead. What it will hold I don't know but think it will be a good year. I will explain a bit about what i  wish to do  in my next blog post coming later tonight or tomorrow.

Life's hardships/ Rant and a bit more.

   Anyways allot has been happening the past few months. I have had a fair enough number of interviews but still no job yet. I can honestly say i have never had this much bad luck finding work.  I would have ran out of money awhile ago if it wasn't for my tax return giving me allot. Also the fact that the deal with the person i moved up here with said $125 rent per month   after the trade deal i worked with him for my ps3 and all things that went with it for 2 months. Decided to change it to $325 but i told him no that it was not the deal and being the kind fair person i am offered 200 instead  and he said ok. But on top of that he mentioned nothing of paying part of the utilities  and asked that of me from month one. And because i thought while it was not part of the deal it was fair i paid it. This all how ever threw my planned budget out the window BIG TIME!! And it is because  of that what should have lasted me 6 months about has lasted me much less paying  about $150 more per month than I planned.  So as of right now i have $42 left with my bills totaling $108 not including rent or utilities bringing it to about $250 a month.


   Well on top of all that he came to me on the 15th  saying that him and his friend are moving next month and I need to try to find another place by the first. And because I never signed the lease I and a few others agree not sure i have any legal ground to do anything. Even if I did I am not the type of person to do that thing if at possible.  I have asked others around   if anyone knew of anyone with a room and nothing so far. I  DO NOT plan on returning to CA at all.  Though that is where  pretty much all my family is I just don't like the state is meant to be home for me.  So I am trying to  find what the hell I can up here. But one issue i have in even trying to sell some things is i need a Washington ID to sell things around here. I could  get some money selling some of the things i dont really need  that i have.  And with no work and so little money left i cant afford to spend the money on the ID.  So  kind of a catch 22 for me there.  Just not sure what to do right now. I have always managed to pull something out of my ass at the last moment so far i just hope i can do so again like i have in the past.


   If anyone knows anyone who can help please point them my way up here. Other than my father i have received no help. What actually pisses me off. I have bent over backwards for a few people a number of times. Even getting bit in the ass for doing it having  a former roommate threatening to  beat me up for kicking him out cause he did nothing but sit around eating my food not looking for work  despite letting him stay for free. And having to call the cops on another a few times. One who even owes me $2,000 but cant pay me back right now idk if he ever will but while i will never help him again unless he pays me back i still would help others if i was able. But with all that when I am in need of help I get shit on. Posting a request  in a local group if anyone had or knew of a place to stay and get berated for it saying i should keep that on my personal page on FB. And we all know how useless that main feed is half the time.  Something posted on there will be lost in a matter of seconds at times.  That aside not receiving much of any help other than 3 people saying they would ask around. THREE out of a hell of allot more than that local. I am not mad that people them selves cant help that i can understand. I am mad that people can't even seem to be bothered to ask around or even offer their sympathy .  A certain few even bashing me for asking for it.

Well that's pretty much it for the bad. Other than that i have gotten to ridding my bike allot more also on top of everything doing allot of photography in the process.  You can see them here https://www.facebook.com/pages/Duskwalkers-Photography/409611882550095 I have gotten allot of compliments on some of them.  A few serious photographers i have asked while they say i do have allot of improvement i need to make i do have promise.  So that still makes me feel good. Also the state it's self up here i love it is such a beautiful state. The energy in the environment is so amazing up here. I even manged to get some close up photos of a ground hog. I  have hiked high above the city and looked down upon it. I love it up here all bad things that have been happening up here. And am determined to stick up here no matter what.  While yes i did have allot of good times and experiences in Florida while i was there i hated the state. But here i love it.

Anyways i think i will leave it there on a positive note. If you want to talk to me about any of this please feel free to do so.

Lisense Needed To Have A Kid

For years I have watched kids  on average just get worse and worse and worse. And for the most part I don't think it is the world as a whole is to blame I believe it is the individual parents. The past generation who had bad parenting are now having kids and because they had bad parents they them selves are most likely bad if not worse parents than  they had. And the process will just get worse and worse.  My step mother has a kid in her class who's mother thought it was the schools and the schools job ONLY to teach her kid to do something as simple as write their own name. Who at 6 years old still talks like he is just starting to learn how to talk. At 6 you should be speaking in simple but complete sentences already.  People like this aren't even the worst.  And it is people like this I don't think should be allowed to have kids. Fact is I believe 100% you should have to prove you can be a good responsible parent.

I believe 100% that you should need to get a license to have a kid to get it you will need to do a number of things. First of all you would need to an intelligence test. Say on a score from 1 - 10 if you scored 1-5 you will be put pertinently on a list that would make it so you could NEVER have a kids because people that stupid should never ever have a kid. People who scored say from 6-7 would get denied but allowed to take the test again in one year. And if you score 8-10 you would be approved to   go to kids school so to speak that would be a 2 year program that you need to pay for. Because if you can't pay for it then you can't afford a kids and shouldn't yet have one till you can. And in this school  they would teach you all you need to know about being a parent. And more importantly how to raise a kid from being born till their 18. The school would teach you all the thing you might not think of when raising a kid  such as finances programs you can use if you loose your job and need help before getting a new one. And you must pass the school with at least a grade equal to a B or you wouldn't get your license to have a kid. If you scored  a D  you would need to skip one year before being allowed to take the intelligence test again then if passed allowed back into school. However if you scored an F would would be put on the same list of never being allowed to have a kids.  Because if you can't pass the school with even a D even if you aren't stupid enough to fail the intelligence test  you aren't responsible enough to have a kid.

For those who are placed on the list to never have kids if  someone feels hey were placed on the list unfairly they can object to the placement once every 5 years. After paying a rather substantial fee they would be allowed to take the intelligence again.

Those who are caught having kids without the licence would not only have their kid taken from them  but  both parents would be placed into jail  for a set amount of time and both the man and women spayed and neutered ;).    

I believe all of this with every fiber of my being. I am sick of seeing all these spoiled little brats while i have been working retail.  Hearing stories of kids and their parents from my step mother. I just keep on seeing things get worse and worse. And makes my faith in humanity slip more and more. I don't think things are hopeless by any means yet but we are heading that way and i believe we are heading there fast.

New Life Direction

Last year as some know but not many I made a goal to pretty much cut out soda from my diet for my New Years Revolution. And to this day since last December I have  had only about 24 ounces of soda so I think that is pretty much a success.  And this year I am setting a new goal  one that I have already started.

This next year I plan to cut out Electronic games from my life. I have already placed a self imposed a ban on spending any money on games. I have also removed most of the games off my computer and tablet that I do not have money invested in that I have gotten my moneys worth from. So meaning  once I have made use of the the 2 games i pre-ordered before I made this decision   I will remove them also.  Basically leaving only a few basic games on my tablet as time killers if  I am out of the house waiting on something and have nothing else to do,

Some may ask why am I doing this? I have looked at myself and why I am not doing things I have had planed to do for some time. Because  unless I have to do something like work I sit down with the intention to play say one game that turns into all night. Or after words I am so pissed because of the people I played with I don't feel like doing anything else.  I plan to do a number of things with all the time I will be freeing up when i do this.

I plan to finally seriously write the book series i have had planned for a few years now.  I also plan to go down my spiritual  path more.  I have been neglecting this more to do both of these like I said because of the games have sucked up so much of my life.  I may even sell my steam account and PlayStation account down the road.

I just hope doing all this will allow me to do what I want to do.

Mind Uncorked

I first off want to say this post may not make a whole lot of sense to everyone. But it will be my thoughts on Life, Fate, and even Destiny. It will be a mixture of thoughts questions for anyone who may read this to answer. I just want to get allot of these thoughts out of my head that have been building up for some time. I do not care if no one like this or if they even care.  So if you have purely negative things to say about this then please stay  the hell away and don't bother saying anything to me. That being said it doesn't mean  you cant say something negative just if you say 1 thing negative say 1 thing positive and please try to keep  negative things constructive. I will apologize in  advanced this may be a bit all over but please try to stay with me. So here we go.

I have often  thought to myself why? Why am I a man....? Why am I human? Why was I born to the family I was? Why am I who I am inside? The questions could go on and on.. The reason is the way i see it cause of events in the past.. For those who don't know this about me I was not conceived through  normal means. I was conceived through in vitro fertilization. For those who don't know what that is. It is when they take sperm or an egg  or even both from 1 parent or sometimes both and combine them outside the mother and insert them in a surrogate mother who is willing to go to term with the baby.  There are other ways it is done but   that's besides the point.  Bottom of the line is if my father would have been  even 1 sec later to playing his part in me coming to be i may have been female or i as in my soul might not have been born human some other soul may have been my fathers kid and I may have been born as say a wolf hell might have even been born a mosquitoes for all I know.

I have talked about this with only a few people but I believe in a bit of a different  form of reincarnation that most who do believe in it. I believe you can be born in any body be it animal or human. But for me I take it a little further. I believe that you can also be born on any plane or dimension  if you want to call it that. So meaning you could be born a Earth that doesn't have humans on it but instead various species of humanoid animals. Or even an Earth where Magic like we see on T.V and in games actually exist. Hell you might not even be born on earth. You might  be born on some other planet entirely. And yes that means i believe in aliens. For those who think of it simply from a statistical standpoint. There are 2-3 trillion or far far more planets that we know of in the universe this one that is. So what is the probability of only 1 of those planets having life? It is very very very low.

So back to my earlier point. We are who we are now cause of events in the past from when our parents first conceived us down to the very second. To the paths we choose from before we are conscious of our decisions to when we are. We are even who we are now cause of the choices of others.  A drunk may decide to have 1 extra drink in a bar and then kill someone on  their way home or thy may decide to not have that one drink and while still drunk make it home with out issue. Why? Cause that little amount of time they spend drinking that 1 extra drink places who they hit at the X so to speak right on the mark instead of before the X if he didn't have the drink.  To deciding to play on the monkey bars  where we meet our best friend who we grow up with and help shape who we become. Or we can decide to go to the swings and never meet who would have been our best friend in life. Even more than just that can come from simple decision. Cause you didn't meet your best friend who helps shape you.. You now never meet the one you are meant to share your life with. And you spend the rest of your life alone and single or countless failed marriages.

Literally everything we do we have at least 1 other path we can choose from but often there are far far more than that. Do we get out of bed today? Do we go to work? Do we go to work but pretend to be sick and go home early? Do we go to work but not do anything? Do we steal from work? I could endlessly show examples of different many different paths just regarding work. And that only includes our decisions not ones of others. Some people may think "Oh why I do doesn't others." Regardless of what it is they would be wrong. Every decision anyone on the planet makes  it will effect you in some way. It may take years for the chain of events to reach you but it eventually will.  But that isn't even the end of it. You may think it is only the decisions of people who effect you. But you would be wrong yet again. It is the decisions of animals even the plants  and even the earth it's self. Everything has  consciousness while yes  my not be like we have as humans but they indeed have it.

There are unlimited possibilities every second that can shape who we are. From things that may effect us this very second to those decision made now that may not effect us till may years down the road. But that isn't even the end of it.  They may effect who or what you are in the next life.

At this point in reading this you may want to ask me how do you know all this. Fact is I don't. I am not afraid to admit that.  Everything here so far and to come in this post if what I feel is true. And if you don't trust  what you feel is true then you have issues. So at this point I would like to change topics a bit. But first I would like to ask you readers what do think of everything i have said so far? Do you what do you think of my logic.  Feel free to speak your mind just remember please try to not be only  negative and what negative things you do say try to still be constructive.

I want to get a little more personal with things at this point.   A number of things between me and my family began to sour... First with my "mother". You may ask why I have the quotations around mother and I will explain why.

As long as I can remember she never really felt like a mother looking back at things now. I think now all she really wanted was the title  of "mother". She has done many rather trashy things in my life from making the courts take me from a Doctor who i loved who didn't believe in needing to medicate kids for simply being kids. She had in her mind I had ADHD so she made the courts have me changed to a pediatrician  who would medicate me. She even tried to have me put in a special ed class at one point.  With another thing that bothered me is when her and my father divorced she moved over 6 hours away. Now I do not care that she moved away away but she didn't think of me at all when she did move. A sensible parent  who doesn't have custody of the kid(s) would only move say no more than 1-2 hours way to make it easy on the kid to visit them or easy for them to visit the kid(s) . There is also the fact she in a little over 18 years only came all the way to visit me only 3 times in my life. 2 of which I basically threatened her to come. Normally claiming "oh it's so hard for me  to get up there" There were other things also she claimed. Showing how she thought was in the pick up/ drop off spots for me. My father picked a spot that was fun for me what was an Arcade even though it was a bit further for him to drive and closer to her.. While she picked a truck stop cause it was dead center for both her and my father with nothing fun at all for me anywhere near the stop. She was even ordered at one point to take a parenting class by the courts. For those who don't know the courts normally side in custody battles with the mother. To take a quote from the Huffington Post is this " Across a wide range of jurisdictions the estimates are that mothers receive primary custody 68-88% of the time, fathers receive primary custody 8-14%, and equal residential custody is awarded in only 2-6% of the cases." As you can see  you have to fuck up pretty bad as a mother to not win custody with 70%-94% of the time the mother getting full or equal custody.  But that's enough about her. If still want to know more then feel free to ask me. I will answer anything.

But this brings me to about  2008 with my father and step-mother. While yes things were degrading before that it was summer of 2008 that shit really hit the fan. I was going to summer school for the last time. I had already passed  both my classes and I still had days i could miss. So I decided I wouldn't go to my last day. Now I don't remember everything I said but my step other wouldst allow be to skip the last day. Pulling the sheets forcibly off me and  a number of other things before that already having me pissed off. But the tearing the sheets off me sent me off the edge and I called her a bitch.  It was shortly after that that  things really started getting  bad.  For years now my father has always tried to control how I look. Him making me cut my hair despite me wanting to grow it out. That alone cause allot of strife. But it was after the incident with my step-mother that things started to compile even more. I  i moved out with a friend but had to return. My father trying to be just as controlling as before despite me being an adult now.  It continued to get worse to the point where I was literally wanting to kill him. And I thought to myself I need to get out now before I do something I regretted. So I moved to Florida with some friends for 3 years. Thankfully as i returned things are much better between us. I think he realizes the mistakes and things he did wrong before. Cause he isn't as controlling as he was before.  But at the same time I grew up allot as well.  I think that is enough of this topic for now so like before if you want to know more please feel free to ask me.

I would like to explain just a little about my religious views and why I left Christianity all those years ago now.  In the last few years that I was technically Christian I started to feel like there was more to life that it. I felt like it just wasn't correct. Hearing all the stories in the bible they just sounded wrong to me. One story I feel more than others and that is the story of Sodom and Gomorrah.  I would like to ask you readers this first though. Do you think  if someone today nuked a town off the map simply simply cause people in the town believed in/did things you didn't believe in correct and just. To answer it simply no you wouldn't think it is. Fact is you would call for that person to answer for their crimes. So why do Christians think that the destruction of the 2 cities wasn't a bad thing? To tell the truth I really don't know. And that was an issue with me. It is other stories  like that I started to really having issues  with. To me all the stories  talk about a God who is childish and petty.  Supporting war mongers and murders. If you want to know what I mean by that look up historical facts about King David the one that the bible portrays as a Godly man. You will find out he killed women and children of the cities/towns he razed. I just couldn't rightfully believe in something like that. Also i just got the feeling like ALLOT not all of Christians are nothing more than sheep hell some even call themselves that saying things along the line of "i am the sheep and you are my shepherd"  speaking to god that is. And they only believe what they do because that's what some book tells them to think. Believing in it because that's what your parents told you to think. And because of that you go through your whole life blindly following  what you were raised with never thinking about why.

I even think of Catholicism as a truly evil  organization. You may ask why? Well the reason is simple they have I feel more than any other religion tried to suppress it's people. They they for centuries have  suppress knowledge. I feel they they are the reason the dark ages happened. They didn't want people to be able to think for themselves to blindly follow as sheep.  Even today they still suppress knowledge. The about of documents,books, scrolls and far more locked within the walls of of the Vatican Archives would blow  your mind. Some theorize why they do that is because it would destroy the religion and possibly others   if people knew the truth.  I believe things like they aren't for aren't for them to decide. I believe all of those manuscripts should be released to the world for people to decide how to handle it. And if it destroys the church then so be it. It was meant to be if that was the case. If I ever had enough money I would hire a private militarily and I would raid the Vatican and liberate everything in the archives. And you may ask would I sell what I get? Well the answer no I wouldn't. I would give it all away to people who would send the knowledge out to the world cause that knowledge dose not belong to any one person or group but  it belongs to the world.


That all being said I feel like I could say more but I think i have said enough for now. So please tell me what you think of all this. I would really to love your thoughts all of this or as much as you care to reply to.

Dream Diaries

I have decided that I am going to be starting a Dreeam Diary. Why you may ask well one way to better remember them  is to do this. The more you do it the more you will remember normally. Also it is a way to better achieve lucid dreams. You may ask what is this? It is where you control your own dream. Something i have wanted to do for a long time just never really tried for em.

I also want to try to know the meaning behind my dreams. So on that note I will once a week maybe longer depending on how much i write down posting my Dream Diaries  on here. You can then feel free to give your opinion on them.  I will start on them soon so stay tuned.